Most of us have heard of Dry July; a month without alcohol to raise funds for various cancer organisations. Some of us may have considered it in the past and fewer still have done it. This year, for the first time, I’m joining the ranks.

Dear Mr. Morrison,

Sincerely,

A voter and struggling artist.

When you’ve fought with yourself to try to make it out of bed before noon, and finding something resembling real food is in the too hard basket, it’s hard to feel in any condition to communicate with the outside world.

Whilst this event was born in tragedy, it’s amazing that our community has come together, through the strength of one family, and now offers hope, not just locally, but to people and communities around the globe.

In a little under half an hour, Albury’s Winter Solstice event will go online. It’s usually a gathering of the local community brought together by the group Survivors of Suicide and Friends. This year, due to COVID-19 restrictions, the event will be held online.

He could have so easily said nothing and I’d have been none the wiser, but he didn’t, and I was so taken aback and hurt. I’d been feeling pretty good throughout the day, but after that, I couldn’t seem to get it out of my mind.

She could have so easily said nothing and I’d have been none the wiser, but she didn’t, and I was so very grateful.

the show must be paused

It’s been a while since I posted. A sign of the times so to speak. So much has happened, and yet, there’s seemingly so little to say. It’s a strong indication that I’m not coping… and that’s really hard to accept.

If the world was a better place, the chemical imbalance in my brain probably wouldn’t be affected so badly - wouldn’t be triggered by so many things that are happening around us.

…thinking about the 13.8 billion years since the big bang, the formation of the earth, evolution of life, the fact that we are made from stars, and the tiny blip that homosapiens have been on the planet… me playing a wrong note, or regretting saying something 15 years ago seems pretty insignificant.

I really can be an idiot, but I’m also really lousy at being kind to myself. Random acts of idiocy I can deal with (actually, that’s a lie… I don’t deal well with that at all), but systemic stupidity is so much worse.

…it sucks. It’s like eating something that you know is good for you, but it just sits, full in your mouth and refusing to be swallowed for what seems like an eternity.

I’ve been off the radar for a while now. Gone to ground - Hunkered down in my bubble - Retreating - Becoming more of a recluse than normal. Whilst this is part of what we’ve all needed to do with the restrictions and social distancing, it’s one of the canaries in the mine for how I’m coping with life in general.

… the feeling of awe never gets old, but as I do, and in phases when my depression isn’t good, it can be hard to make the effort, particularly on cold nights.

“Done!” I say to myself, not actually thinking about how feasible this would be for me… but like much of this year, I’m jumping in without thinking it through first.

Now, I’m a pretty big bloke, and I don’t have a lot of upper body strength. As for my core? HA! You’ll find a stronger one in a rotting apple. So it’s a bit scary. That said, you can be in teams!

So… from my weakling arms, terrified of holding up my hefty frame, please! Please join me! It’s too late, I’ve already bloody gone and registered! Aarrgghh!

The arts, particularly the performance arts were one of the industries that were first and hardest hit by the coronavirus pandemic and the subsequent lockdowns. Usually, we’re the first to arrive, last to leave. Now, a huge segment of the arts sector are the first to be shutdown, and likely to be the last to resume.

So yes. I’m angry. Really bloody angry. Angry that the industry I love and have dedicated my life to is being brought to its knees. Angry that so many of my friends and colleagues have had their livelihoods completely pulled out from under them - with no support. And it’s really that last part that matters.

And then… like clockwork. I was awake. Ready for the morning and day ahead. Except it wasn’t the morning, it was about 2am. This is when my body wanted to begin functioning again. And with that, after several hours awake in the middle of the night, I finally nodded off only to wake up exhausted -’ready’ for the day.

And like all benders, my conscious binge must come to an end.

Exhausted and with a crushing headache, today, I sleep.

“You’re obviously a very out-there, in-your-face type guy”. These are some of the words that still echo in my head from last weeks radio interview, and they don’t sit well. Is that the perception people have of me? Out-there I can come at, but in-your-face? That’s is the last thing I want.