day one hundred and three -out there, in your face
“You’re obviously a very out-there, in-your-face type guy”. These are some of the words that still echo in my head from last weeks radio interview, and they don’t sit well. Is that the perception people have of me? Out-there I can come at, but in-your-face? That’s is the last thing I want.
Yes, I look different with a big beard, weird schooner of dreads coming out the back of an otherwise bald head and the kilt. Yes, I talk openly about things that some find confronting. Yes, I have strong opinions that I share at relevant times. But I have severe problems with being in someones face and the connotations that brings.
There are reasons I look this way. Conforming has never been a strong point. Finding strength in being different, going gently against the grain, visually disassociating myself from things I disagree with - all these things have shaped my appearance.
Many years ago, when I started teaching at a prestigious private school, I made the decision to break one of the dress codes for teachers every time I stepped foot on school grounds. Not as a sign of disrespect, but more-so as a point of difference - to show that there are choices one can make, to show that I didn’t have to be treated like another teacher. It wasn’t overt, I didn’t wear offensive shirts or silly costumes; just a tacet form of noncompliance that gave me strength and helped me connect with the students.
In the music shop, I was regularly pegged as a metal head and surprised people by loving jazz, fusion, funk and baroque. I’ve been told I look scary, particularly from a distance when you can’t make out my face. While I don’t really like that, I do take great joy in breaking some peoples stereotypes by being unexpectedly kind, gentle, well spoken, and having good handwriting. Perhaps, I hoped, if I can show that someones first impression, based purely on appearance, was wrong, maybe they would give someone else a chance that they’d ordinarily write off.
“Out there” is a safe space and has been a form of protection my whole life. It, by definition, is not in - somewhere I never fitted. Not in with the crowd. Not buckling to peer-pressure. Not accepting the status quo as the only option. In the past, I tried to be ‘in’; it simply doesn’t work for me.
If I’m perceived as out there, that’s ok. It’s probably good. But as for ‘in-your-face’, I certainly hope not. There’s a confrontational implication, a ramming down throat. I’m not door-knocking my ‘message’, or pulling up people in the street. Yes I wear political t-shirts, but I’ll only discuss them with people who engage. Yes, I’m talking about things in this digital space, but I’m not spamming or attempting to make anyone read my ramblings. I abhor confrontation, and avoid it unless absolutely necessary.
So, to those who think I’m “in-your-face”, please accept my apologies. It was never my intention. The only thing I want to put in people’s faces is kindness and compassion.
Kilt of the day - Mackay Sport kilt
Soundtrack of the day that’s probably too heavy for me (and quite explicit) - In Your Face - Children of Bodom
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5SgN5lvWZwQ
Soundtrack of the day that’s not too heavy for me, but it’s still fairly heavy - Freak of the Week - Freak Kitchen
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y2vzBdIejVY
Album of the day - Time Out - The Dave Brubeck Quartet
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_1d-Axi4mhY
