day one hundred and thirty-two - getting back on the horse

Sorry.

This hiatus has been pretty big. There’s just been so much going on, and honestly, I’ve been overwhelmed. It’s been a hard time to be in my head.

I’ve been off the radar for a while now. Gone to ground - Hunkered down in my bubble - Retreating - Becoming more of a recluse than normal. Whilst this is part of what we’ve all needed to do with the restrictions and social distancing, too much and it becomes one of the canaries in the mine for how I’m coping with life in general and my overall mental health.

There can be some other signs of decline that are a little easier to recognise...

The other night, I caught a reflection of this rather dodgy looking oversized gnome-like figure wandering around my house with too tall a beanie, beard akimbo, too many jackets, fingerless gloves, snow boots, cup of tea, headlamp, and general look of someone who hadn’t had a decent sleep in a decade, and wasn’t looking after themselves… unsurprisingly, the kilt was the giveaway that it was me.

It’s been a slow descent. For me, it can be a gradual, insidious change, almost catching you by surprise until it feels all too late, your momentum already with the slope. Or rather, more like a wave form that dips and ebbs lower into the troughs, and flows through the peaks faster, and more irregularly than normal. The lower it goes, the more momentum it needs to get back.

But, aside from my obvious improvement in fashion, it’s only getting worse - And with that, (and every other thing going on at the moment), each passing day without writing has made it that much harder to find the courage to start again. I can feel it, and sometimes in those situations, doing the hard things can be what makes it better.

So, to that end, here’s my first journal entry in way too long.

---

Today was the first day of the Push Up Challenge. 3046 pushups. One pushup for each person in Australia who died by suicide in 2018. That’s a lot of weight in every pushup, each being one too many, each signifying a tragedy.
For each push-up, I really tried to be cognisant of what it all meant.

A special thanks to my amazing friends who have jumped about the Kilt Life Crisis team, and are working together for this common goal.

I also wanted to raise some much needed money from Albury Wodonga Headspace, our local Youth Mental Health organisation. Should you feel inclined and are able to donate, please click the link below.

Kilt of the day - Macleod tartan Sport Kilt

Soundtrack of the day - Horse With No Name - America
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zSAJ0l4OBHM

Bonus Soundtrack of the day - The Boys are Back in Town - Thin Lizzy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGZqDzb__bw

Link of the day - The Pushup Challenge - Team Kilt Life Crisis
https://www.thepushupchallenge.com.au/team/5750-kilt-life-crisis

Silliness of the day - The Dead Parrot Sketch (& The Lumberjack Song) - Monty Python
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vnciwwsvNcc

Day 1 of 21 - Push Up Count +30 = 30 total