day one hundred and seventy-five - incommunicado
I’ll be the first to admit it. There are times when I’m hard to get in contact with. Really hard, and I’m sure that it could be, and is, really frustrating to be on the other end of.
It’s nothing personal. Far from it, or at least nothing personal between myself and those trying to communicate with me. Moreso, it’s a personal problem that can come with the territory of depression and anxiety. I’d love to feel able to take and make calls at the moment.
There’s no one reason. Sometimes it can feel like a bridge too far. When you’ve fought with yourself to try to make it out of bed before noon, and finding something resembling real food is in the too hard basket, it’s hard to feel in any condition to communicate with the outside world.
Other times, it may feel like it will lead to a awkward conversation, with a situation that has been already left too long. There may be impending potential conflict that you’re already anxious about, or not feeling strong enough to deal with.
Sometimes you know that there’s an issue that really needs to be said or dealt with, but you don’t have the confidence to bring it up, and you know that if you have yet another conversation without saying something, you’ll invariable feel worse at the end.
Maybe the phone ringing, or the sound of a message coming in inextricably causes panic attacks, increased heart rate, shortened breath, and there’s a not so small part of you that wants to staple your phone to a rocket powered chihuahua and fling it over a rainbow.
Or perhaps you’re feeling so worthless that it feels like the other person would be better off not talking to you.
So if you’ve been trying to get in contact with me lately, and haven’t had a response, I’m sorry. It may not seem like it, but I really, sincerely am.
I’ll come back online soon… I’m just waiting for my chihuahua to come home.
Kilt of the day - Traditional Ross Modern Hunting Tartan
Soundtrack of the day - No Reply - The Beatles
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YgFo9STa70E
Slightly more embarrassing Soundtrack of the day - Ring Ring Ring - De La Soul
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6-JOVXZePQk
