day forty-nine - guilt
I imagine there is potentially more guilt about experiencing depression and anxiety in people who are comfortably well off, who haven’t had to experience poverty, violence, abuse, trauma, racism etc. or any of the other experiences or environmental triggers for mental illness in their lives.
It’s the problem of thinking or hearing, “What have you got to be depressed about?”,or “there’s always someone who has it worse off than you” (though the logician in me has trouble rationalising the premise. Surely there would have to be one person who has it worst off - and now I’ve found a meme to go with it. Thanks Dwight).
I’d fall into that category; a good life, ample food & shelter, living out of poverty, an amazing family, a career I love, support from family & friends, more fountain pens than I should probably admit, and a penchant for low volume funk. And still I have a major depressive disorder and anxiety which at times has left me with inner guilt and outer shame.
When my mind would dwell on all these good things in my life and comparatively fewer reasons to feel depressed, anxious and unable to sleep, etc, it made it feel much worse, rather than being assured that everything was underhand. It was worrying as I knew what I was feeling, but didn’t yet have a reason why. I imagine it’s akin to going to the doctors for a pain in your chest. It would feel better if you knew the reason why as opposed to it being a mystery.
It’s easy for this to cause a spiral; thinking about the burden you are on those around you, how it affects your motivation, your body, your ability to get off the couch and be a functional human being. Thinking that you’re worth less because you can’t cope even though you’re in a good situation.
I found seeking professional, medical help was a really important step as I was able to understand and go some way to justifying how I was feeling. Now, for me, I see it largely as the chemical imbalances in my brain which have caused my predisposition to depression and anxiety.
Yes. There will (statistically) always be people worse off than you. But that doesn’t matter. This isn’t a competition. There’s no winner for the worst off, and everyone else had better snap out of it. There are no pre-requisites for mental illness. Believing or telling someone (even through something an seemingly innocuous as sharing a meme) that they essentially shouldn’t have a mental illness because they haven’t somehow earned it can disenfranchise and hurt people already suffering. It does little to help.
We all need to go easy, and ensure were an active part of a more compassionate and understanding society. No-one chooses mental illness. And those that suffer from it have enough to deal with without adding guilt and shame to the mix.
Kilt of the Day - Campbell of Argyle Tartan
Soundtrack of the Day - Any guilty pleasure you haven’t listened to in a while
Low Volume Funk Soundtrack of the Day - Birds of a Feather - Vulfpeck (feat. Antwuan Stanley)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WQm4R0LM2mE
Link of the day - The Role of Self-Blaming Moral Emotions in Major Depression and Their Impact on Social-Economical Decision Making
Paper authored by Erdem Pulcu, Roland Zahn, and Rebecca Elliott in Frontiers in Psychology, 2013
