day fifty-four - putting the pro in procrastinate
I’ve been procrastinating - Knowing that there are things that need to be done, but letting them build over me until it feels like I’m pinned under a lethargic gorilla. The more it builds, the more anxious I become, and the gorilla gets heavier, which in turn encourages more procrastination. I find this feedback loop that can be quite hard to get out of.
Sometimes it’s the sheer volume of the workload, or perhaps there’s a particularly onerous task ahead. I don’t always procrastinate, but I do seem to always have something to chew through on my plate, with more courses still to come. An endless smorgasbord of stuff. And of the thing that are being done, it doesn’t seem to be enough to stem the flow.
There can be a real satisfaction in getting though some of those big, daunting tasks, just as there is when ticking off lots of little ones. Building momentum and powering though is empowering in and of itself. But the ensuing lull, the sensation of resting, and the potential to lose that momentum is when things start to really pile up.
It can be easy to say ‘yes’. I’m very good at it. It’s almost as much of a default for me as saying sorry. I really want to be able to be all things to all people. The desire to help, to chip in, to give, is far greater than my ability to cope with letting people down, or having a sense of self-preservation. ‘No’ can be much harder, and not a skill I’ve always used regularly or wisely.
It’s not to say that being busy or having tasks ahead is a bad thing, but taking on too much, and feeling as though nothing you do is being done at your full potential if, for me, a recipe for inevitable failure. And with that failure comes guilt, panic, anxiety, and then an onset of depression.
Sadly, I don’t know what the answer is for me at the moment. I like being busy, and the sensation of having a purpose, but that needs to be tempered with an acknowledgement that I can’t do everything. Even if I could, I couldn’t do everything well. That at some stage sleep would probably be a good thing, and that in order to be able to function well for the people in my life, an appropriate and judicious ‘No’ could be the key to doing the Yes’s better.
Kilt of the Day - Ross Modern Hunting Tartan
Punk Soundtrack of the Day - NOFX - Professional Crastination
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nagmHwb-n7U
Film Score of the day - KING KONG (1933 Max Steiner Soundtrack Score) Full LP Album
